Demodded

It was only a matter of time, and I'm not surprised that it happened in the grand scheme of things, but I am surprised at how little time it took to happen.

What am I talking about? Well, remember a few weeks' back: I said I was pretty much done with UPN and was heading off to do my own thing. By and large I have. Anyone from UPN reading this can see that my presence on the forum has essentially vanished into nothing, even if I have snuck in a 20-second peek once every 1-3 days. I had many reasons for leaving, with at least one in each of the imaginable categories of (1) personal reasons that have nothing to do with how the place is run (e.g. BIOCHEM STUDIES), (2) both 1 and 3, and (3) reasons that have everything to do with how the place is run. Given that 2 and 3 exist at all, it's only natural that feelings might be hurt and action might be taken against me.

But I gotta say ... in the years in which halloweenjack was missing in action, nobody ever de-admin`ed him. Same for Roger (years). Same for Lindsay (6 months). And what about me? Arrogant though this may sound!, what about the guy who has single-handedly invested more time, written more posts, and generated more discussion than any other member in the modern history (last 5 years) of the community? 10% of the current board's posts are attributed to me. That's already a meaty figure, but you have to consider: 1) the current board dates back to March 2007, 2) I was truly absent from posting from September 1 - December 18 2008, and most importantly 3) over 70% of the board's "posts" are spam or game-related entries for two forum-based RPGs. If we consider actual discussion-threads alone, I would estimate that over 30% of the forum posts and well in excess of 50% of the threads created were mine.

Pictures make the best proof, so ...
Current Member Profile
Misc - roughly 50.0% of 311 threads were created by me
Anime - roughly 60.0% of 82 threads were created by me
Video Games - roughly 28.5% of 74 threads were created by me

I have said this many times before, and it is as true now as it was then: I don't mind being a common member with zero administrative privileges other than for certain conveniences such as being able to modify my own posts, fixing broken code in others' posts, and pruning threads. (People know I like to take a thread which has fascinatingly gone off-topic and split it into two separate threads to resuscitate the original while keeping the new guy going strong too.)

Furthermore, this entire blog entry might seem pointless to you (and even to me it does just a little) because if I really am done with UPN as I say I am then it makes no difference what rank I hold -- my account could even be deleted, my IP banned and if I were truly done I'd never even know that those things had happened.

So when asked "Why do you feel so stung by this?", I want you to listen to my answer. I feel a little stung and a little shocked tonight because (as I have established above) I have done more for this community than any other member period short of owning the domain and supplying the server myself; I have invested a lot of time and a lot of love into this dwindling community over the years; and many people have said I am what keeps the community going; yet when it comes to demotions, I get demoted after 3 weeks while the girl who was gone for 6 months held her rank and the guy who has been gone (and still is gone) for 2 years now still holds his rank, too.

I think this sums up my frustration best. It's not the first time but it may be the last time I will ever hear these words: "we need you, Talon."
(Please take note of the dates the four posts were submitted. There were several posts made in between the first two posts, but none were made after the second post that you do not already see here.)

I can't help but conclude that there is bitterness and spite at play behind the scenes; and that my unannounced yet widely-recognized departure from UPN has been intentionally met with a demotion. If I am George Banks, I feel a Mister or Misters Dawes have silently ripped off my bouton-rose, punched in my hat, inverted my umbrella, and handed them back to me saying "Please come back anytime."

I said it before, I'll say it once more: I'm not surprised that this happened. I am only surprised that it happened so soon. In fact, the unexpected soonness matches the very behavior which paradoxically gave me reason to leave in the first place.

And gives me reason anew to not look back.


Postscript: It's hard, though. A week from today is July 14. It would have been my 9th anniversary since signing up and it will only be my 2nd anniversary which I have not celebrated with the community. Because I never shared with the community the date of my true birthday, it has been a surrogate birthday of sorts celebrated with my surrogate family.