Grampa's Porn Collection

Just a runaway daydream I had just now that I thought I'd share. Click the title to read on.

I just ordered this book. WARNING! Adult content. Click はい to confirm you are over 18 years of age. The book, titled "Daisy," is a compilation of all the comics written and drawn by the artist Amatarou (天太郎) over the course of the last year for Comic Megastore, one of the most popular of Japan's many hentai magazines. I was (and still am) quite excited, not because I would be reading something new (on the contrary ...) but because this would be my first purchase of a work by Amatarou, and that means that the list of different artists whose stuff I own has just grown by +1. Even though it's just porn, I guess the best way I could explain it to a stranger would be to compare it with, say, the art connoisseur who has 2 Gauguins, 1 Renoir, and 1 Rembrandt and who has just won at auction his very first Monet.

But then my mind wandered and I started thinking to myself about how people often say to me that once you start having regular sex (e.g. with a spouse or steady girlfriend) that you no longer need your porn.

So then I was thinking, "Hmm, maybe it's not such a good idea after all to be purchasing all of this pornography. I mean, it's great and all that I'm like the .0001% of the Internet that does attempt to keep the hentai boat afloat, but seriously: I'm 24 years old and looking for real love. Maybe I shouldn't be buying these." (Note: I'm not saying that I've wasted my money; rather, that maybe I'm not the person who is meant to buy these in the first place, and the one who is is the one who has abandoned his chances for finding and/or has zero chance at finding reciprocal love in this world.)

But then I thought to myself, "No, it's okay: you can hand them down to your son when he's old enough. :) That way they'll be put to good use, and your son will have the best goddamn porn in the entire town."

Then I laughed and thought about how awkward that might be for any one of the three of us (me, my wife, or my son). I started imagining what the possible scenarios might be.

I imagined my son laughing at his old man and lecturing me on how "the future is now" and all that, i.e. "who needs magazines when you can have HOLOGIRLS?" or some such. (Think of Quark's HoloSuites from Deep Space Nine only cheaper and more accessible to minors. :p)

I imagined what my response might be to my son, and (somewhere around this point) the gap between our ages widened. I became the grandparent in this daydream world, and I was (as the daydream would of course have it) living in an apartment almost identical to the one my grandmother and grandfather used to live in. My son (an adult) had brought his family over to visit and his son, my grandson, was asking me about the "good ol' days," wanting to know what we did for fun and how we got by and this and that. So with the setting now changed to this, my daydream had my grandson (at around the same age as he had been when he had been my son only moments ago) asking me about this funny magazine with the drawings of the naked ladies.

I imagined myself explaining to him that "back in my day" these magazines used to be quite popular, and that the man would please himself while looking at the lady and applying a bit of his imagination to the picture. I explained that he might imagine motion because of these three lines here *point* or that he might hear the lady's words in his head with a real-live feminine voice, etc. I understand that this is not the sort of conversation one would ever have or even necessarily wish to have with his own grandson! But it was my daydream, not my plan for the future, and I was along for the ride because as we all know you can never really stop a daydream until you realize you're daydreaming in the first place. And for whatever reason that still hadn't happened yet. lol

The look on my grandson's face was one of wonder. He was half-impressed by how hardcore our generation was and half-grateful that his generation was blessed to know hologirls who simulated real sex with the man. In my grandson's generation, masturbation no longer existed: or at least, it was no longer commonly practiced. For the main reason anyone ever had had for masturbating at all -- achieving sexual pleasure -- had been supplanted by the Technology of Tomorrow, by the laserbeams and Bose speakers and air tunnels and the this and the that that we used to generate a photorealistic experience of being in the bedroom with the woman of your dreams even though you were standing in what amounted to an empty room.

I think it was around this point that I broke out of the reverie as my daydream's conductor railed the train in to the station. We had reached our destination: "no," I reasoned to myself, "I don't know that my porn collection will ever be of use to any of my descendants."

- R.N.

P.S. I already know what my kids are gonna say if 'n' when they discover their old man's hentai stash. But I'm already prepared for that day. Good god, invoking the paleolithic cave art in Lascaux? Genshiken for the effing win! :D